Finally, I see change

I hadn't seen Melinda in at least a year, maybe a year and a half, and that wasn't a pleasant meeting, I'm sure. We haven't had a pleasant meeting since the day our friendship "broke up" the summer of '05. Since then, I've always tried to predict any possible, coincidental meeting with her and looked forward to them about as much as I look forward to stepping on a snake in the woods. But I didn't have any coincidental meetings with her for a year and half. That allowed me to live in a sort of dream world where she really didn't exist. She was part of my past, but that's all.

Then, sometime earlier this year, I realized that I didn't want to dread seeing Melinda anymore. I didn't want to let that rule my life. There was some function that I thought I might see her at, so I prepared myself to be happy and smiley and normal...but I never saw her. That was in January, I think, and it wasn't until today that I thought about preparing myself to encounter her again.

Michele had invited me to go to a Good Friday service at ConC. I gladly agreed. Then, I found out later that ISCA is actually in charge of the service. And who traded in community group so that she could spend more time with ISCA? Yep, Melinda. So, once again, I thought about the possibility of seeing her, but I was determined that, as much as I could, I wasn't going to let it bother me. So, I go with an open heart and mind, and Melinda greets me (and everyone else) at the door and hands me a program.

Now, true, that was a little weird. She said, "Hi, Sam!" and looked surprised to see me, and I said, "Hi, Melinda" and didn't look quite as surprised. And that was that. Then, I tried to move on. I did wonder where she was going to sit, and I was a little relieved when she (and her boyfriend (gasp!)) didn't sit in my line of sight. For the most part, though, I tried to keep my mind off of her and the potential weirdness that being around her could bring up.

At one point during the service, Kevin Smith got up to talk about the meaning of Easter. He said that Jesus had come to reconcile us to God but also to each other. I'd heard that before, but in this situation, it was particularly poignant. Kevin said that because of Jesus everyone in that room is united (or has the potential to be united). That did it right there. That was the turning point. That was when I knew that things were going to be okay between me and Melinda. That's when I stopped worrying. That's also when I knew that I had to go up to her after the service. Now, at first, all of these ideas of me going to give her a hug and us embracing in this hug that spoke louder than all of the apologies and regrets ever could ran through my mind, but I wasn't committing to that just yet. I wasn't sure what I was committing to.

The service ended and the people gathered in groups and I couldn't see her. Then, I had to take Ariel home. I was slightly disappointed as I drove her home because Melinda and I didn't get to have our big, dramatic reunion. Not only that, but I didn't say anything to her at all. I dropped Ariel off and called Caroline to see if she wanted to have dinner. She said "yes", and I told her that I'd come back to ConC and pick her up. This was my second chance! And, I almost stayed in the car and called Caroline to come out, but, thankfully, I got up my courage and went inside again.

This time, the crowd had thinned a lot and I easily found Caroline and Bri and Melinda (not in the same group). Caroline and Bri and I were walking out, and I knew that I couldn't leave again without saying something to Melinda. She was in a conversation, but I walked up behind her and put my hand on her back. She jumped a little, b/c I'd frightened her, and turned around. With my hand still on her back (that's all the hugging we did), I said that I wanted to say "goodbye". She looked at me with sincerity and said that it was really good to see me. And I believe her. I believe her, b/c it was really good to see her.

It was a big step. I think it was a turning point. Maybe for her, I don't know, but definitely for me. While I don't see us being friends anytime soon, it's not because we couldn't be. It's because we never see each other and don't run in the same groups anymore. But there isn't anything from the past--any malice or anger--that could hold us back.

I also had the thought tonight that maybe now that I've truly reconciled with Melinda, maybe I can truly reconcile with God...

...we'll see...