Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance
My job with FYE officially ends on June 1st, but I have nothing left to do except to put my work on a c.d. and give it to them. So, by all purposeful accounts, my job with FYE is done. On one hand, I'm glad, but I don't know what to do now.
I don't feel peace or excitement about accepting the position in Switzerland, but I can't figure out why. I don't know if I'm just afraid of the unknown or if there is some bigger force stopping me, but it's driving me crazy. They want an answer by tomorrow, and I know what's going to happen: this opportunity is going to pass me by, because I probably won't feel good enough about it by tomorrow to give them a "yes". I don't know if I'm going to regret that in the future or not, and that drives me crazy, too. But, the thought of saying "yes" now does not give me peace and happiness. It makes me nervous and wonder if I can get out of it if something better comes along...maybe that's the problem: Switzerland isn't my first choice. The problem is, I don't know what my first choice is, really.
Part of me thinks that I just need to DO something, but something is stopping me from doing this Switzerland thing...so, I don't know what to do...grrr. What can I learn from this? What is the truth in this situation? Okay, my life should not revolve around this decision. Even, though, it seems to make sense to think that my life would revolve around this decision, it doesn't. Instead, it revolves around God and making His name known. So, that should give me peace about whatever I do, right? And yet, it doesn't. I still worry about making a decision that I will regret. How's a person supposed to live in all this pressure? And this pressure seems ridiculous compared to the torture and persecution Brother Yun endured for the sake of the gospel. He knew what he was made for. What am I made for? Where should I be next? What should I be doing next?
Anybody have any answers?
PS happy Memorial Day weekend
1 comment:
I think you and Jon could have some interesting conversation, because he is going through this same type of stage of his life as well. I'll have him read your post. It's a very confusing thing, and it makes us question our closeness with God and our trust and our faith and pretty much everything. But we have to remember to praise Him for the various trials we must face. Sometimes it's easier said than done. Either way, whether we feel like it or not we praise Him. You keep your head up and keep right on going, knowing God is in control. I'm telling myself and Jon this as much as I'm telling you.
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